Sunday, July 17, 2011

Ice Loves Coco: Baby Got (Redneck) Family

Alyssa:  Hey 'marm!
 Bookmarm:  Hey girl.  Excited to see Coco's latest adventures.
 Alyssa:  Oh yes.
This one's called "Baby's Got Family"
 Bookmarm:  Ugh.  I am assuming that portends the uggo sister.
 Alyssa:  Oh, I imagine so
 Bookmarm:  Drat.
 Alyssa:  Maybe she's discovered the Licious Line since her last appearance?
 Bookmarm:  Coco is also a massage therapist.  Of course she is.
 Alyssa:  Lady Traction
Mariska Hargitay and Coco could NOT be more different I feel
 Bookmarm:  They look adorable together.  They should do a Thelma and Louise remake.
 Alyssa:  Love it.
"Am I involved?" "No" "Beautiful"
Ha, the way I feel about all baby showers
 Bookmarm:  OMG, me too.
Even my own.
Oh, Coco's from a broken home.
 Alyssa:  Ice is right about this...there is no normal family
 Bookmarm:  Shocking that she married a pimp.
 Alyssa:  Yea, nothing about her has said "Daddy Issues" up until this point right now
 Bookmarm:  Bwahaha
 Alyssa:  That bikini is working overtime
 Bookmarm:  Oh man, look at Ice with those little girls.
 Alyssa:  Please tell me we don't have to see sister in a swimsuit
 Bookmarm:  He would have to change some attitudes if Coco has a baby.
Where's his vest?
 Alyssa:  Hahaha
 Bookmarm:  Spart has to wear a swimmie?
 Alyssa:  That is representative of Ice's parenting style
sitting on the sidelines ordering Coco to tame their wayward child
Bookmarm:  I am rethinking their parenting goals.
Of course, Coco is awesome enough for the both of them.
 Alyssa:  Is there such a thing as a really cool ultra-sound?
 Bookmarm:  I'll bet she's talking about that alien-looking 3D one.
Grrross.
 Alyssa:  Ugh, I hate those
Mom is terrifying
 Bookmarm:  So redneck.
That is the redneckest family ever.
 Alyssa:  I literally have nothing to say about this dinner
Except sis needs to pack away the halter top
 Bookmarm:  I can't believe that Coco comes from these people.
 Alyssa:  Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Gooey belly
 Bookmarm:  Can you imagine being born and the first thing you see is Coco?
 Alyssa:  A way to guarantee your son would be fierce!
Shocking...her daddy likes guns
 Bookmarm:  AZ is so redneck!
I don't know why I'm so surprised.
 Alyssa:  and is wearing an Ed Hardy-esque shirt
 Bookmarm:  Ugh.
 Alyssa:  and has a handlebar mustache
 Bookmarm:  Oh dear.
 Alyssa:  Why would a dad want to be at a baby shower with 16-18 women?
 Bookmarm:  Exactly.
 Alyssa:  Especially if one of those women is your bitter ex-wife
 Bookmarm:  And there are already other children.  It's not like it's the first and he is overly excited.
It's just drama-inducing bullshit.
Or, in other words, a reality show.
 Alyssa:  He's lobbying for his own show on, like, Spike or some shit
Bookmarm:  Ohhhh, that is so smart.
 Alyssa:  I mean, it seems like he is
that is a totally made-up statement
Although...not improbable
 Bookmarm:  I think about that with the RH famewhores, God love 'em.  What is their expectation about parlaying their absurdity into something else?
I can totally see this dude thinking, "I'm gonna be a stah!"
 Alyssa:  So RH have Pinot Grigio so far, right?
Does Daddy Coco wax his eyebrows?
 Bookmarm:  Does Ice?
 Alyssa:  Signs point to "yes"
I think I want to be friends with Kyle?
 Bookmarm:  Who was the giant person in their dance crew home video?
 Alyssa:  I don't know!
Her sis?
 Bookmarm:  Right?
 Alyssa:  A baby pinata?  Great.
 Bookmarm:  Ice has definite ideas on nail color.
 Alyssa:  He's very decisive
Pink eye shadow = appearing to have consumption
 Bookmarm:  That is so true!
I never thought about it as that, just that it is vaguely sick looking, but you nailed it.
 Alyssa:  I feel peeing on oneself is a bigger issue...
than say, dark nipples
 Bookmarm:  Well, things happen.
 Alyssa:  Haha
What are those children wearing?
 Bookmarm:  I don't understand how these things are just now happening.
Ice is the baby-whisperer.
Ice's breasts are troubling.
 Alyssa:  Hahahahaha....that should be on his business card
Bookmarm:  Among his many gifts.
 Alyssa:  (the baby whisperer, not the breast thing)
What is Ice's mom/dad situation
 Bookmarm:  Right, that's def. a secret.
I have never heard him mention his fam.
 Alyssa:  You know Ice is not used to being denied
 Bookmarm:  When you're a pimp you don't get turned down a lot.
 Alyssa:  I feel bad for Coco
Her party should be amazing
She's not meant for this lifestyle
 Bookmarm:  AZ ruins everything!
Her sis ruins everything.
 Alyssa:  I am...concerned
I hope her dad shows up drunk in a adult diaper
 Bookmarm:  And drinks every single shot glass/baby bottle until he passes out.
 Alyssa:  that would be amazing
not for Coco...but for me
and you
 Bookmarm:  And then he and her mom rekindle their love
and have a combo remarriage/birthing.
 Alyssa:  Genius...that would definitely earn a reality show
Did you just see the commercial for the Justin Timerlake/ Mila Kunis movie?
*Timberlake
 Bookmarm:  No, but I am certainly familiar with it.
 Alyssa:  Is there any way those two are not fucking in real life?
 Bookmarm:  Oh, awesome.
How pretty to contemplate.
And Kyle is  DRAG QUEEN!!!!
 Alyssa:  Yes! Of course he is
And Coco is opening Hpnotiq...perfect
Her "Coco juices were flowing?"
That's inappropriate
 Bookmarm:  Oh my God, that dance is amazing!!!
Coco, I love you!
Look at that split!
 Alyssa:  Can we be friends with Coco?  Please?
 Bookmarm:  A mariachi band?
I love her!
 Alyssa:  I love this! Everyone is getting drunk except the boring preggo lady
 Bookmarm:  God, she sucks.
 Alyssa:  (All preggo ladies are not boring.  Just her)
Ice, do not encourage this
 Bookmarm:  Ice wants a show.
Ice is making a show.
Oh man.
 Alyssa:  Mayday
 Bookmarm:  Her dad.
 Alyssa:  Mayday!
 Bookmarm:  Awesome, because I want her kind of snotty mom with her bullshit pink salt to be uncomfortable.
Why is Coco so awesome when her family is...not.
 Alyssa:  That's an excellent point
I don't know.  Like a Phoenix from the ashes...
 Bookmarm:  Like Hamlet.
 Alyssa:  But I do not find Hamlet to be awesome necessarily
But he is better than his family
to be sure
 Bookmarm:  Not in a positive sense, but if you mean awe-inspiringly cray-cray...
 Alyssa:  Oh, this is true
I smell what you're stepping in
Bookmarm:  Kathy Griffin on Fashion Police?
Yes, please.
 Alyssa:  apocalypse
 Bookmarm:  Ice is the ex-wife whisperer too.
 Alyssa:  Pointing out how uncomfortable someone else is only serves to highlight your own neuroses
 Bookmarm:  Yes.
It empowers her, she thinks.
 Alyssa:  I think so
 Bookmarm:  I am psychic!
They are totally gonna do it!
 Alyssa:  You're so smart
You are totally right!
 Bookmarm:  I know slutty rednecks.
 Alyssa:  Yes. Spart definitely needs a vacation
 Bookmarm:  He needs to be carried around on a different velvet pillow.
 Alyssa:  By ALL means
Can't wait for dance lessons next week
 Bookmarm:  So cute
 Alyssa:  Coco never ceases to need the perfect outfit
God bless her
 Bookmarm:  Priorities

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