Last week we met our top 20 in a variety of routines ranging from fun (Chris, Wadi, Tadd, and Robert’s Hip-Hop) to awesome (Jess and Nick’s tap routine) to downright infuriating (Ryan’s contemporary routine that might as well have been her solo but actually also included four other Top 20 dancers). That was all well and good, but this week the gloves come off, so to speak.
Cat’s ready for her obligatory close-in opening monologue, and tonight, she’s all business in tone but is sporting some seriously JBF hair and a tiny-strapped sequin number that I’m betting is a wee on the short side. “This week, two dancers are going home; only your votes can keep them safe. Welcome…to So You Think You Can Dance.”
Opening credits. Still miss head-flippy dude. Intros with mini solos. Ashley – Ballerina-esque girl I don’t remember. Alexander – spins in an open vest. Caitlynn – Entirely too bubbly for my taste. Chris – B-boy nonsense. Clarice – No memory of her whatsoever. Jess – Wears a Tie with a t-shirt, drops to splits far, far more easily than I would imagine. Iveta – Holy mother of gold lycra jumpsuit. Marko – spin, flip, flannel. Jordan – soccer mom capris and a blazer, I shit you not. Nick – plaid shirt, tapping adorably. Melanie – nothing. Ricky – Flying-spinny-leg-kicky-thing that I don’t have accurate words to describe. Also: pit stains. Miranda – Brunette girl I don’t remember. Kicks. Robert – wearing a big-bird yellow fringed t-shirt. I also do not shit you about that either. Missy – Did the most useless thing ever. Tadd – Fuchsia Mohawk and a few pop-lock things. Ryan – Insufferable for what may be something entirely out of her control. Wadi – Back-flip. General charisma. Sasha – weird cartwheel-adjacent move in cut-off denim shorts.
Here are your girls. Walk, walk walk. And here are the boys. Walk, walk walk. Top 20.
And freeze! When the little song ends they all strike a pose and Ryan’s up front because of course she is. Now we get to see the full Cat Deeley ensemble. She’s kind of awkwardly and adorably shimmying in the background aaaaand, yes. Her skirt is a gyno’s dream. Also, she might be drunk. She is tripping over, like, every line.
Let’s meet our judges for tonight. Nigel, natch. Mary Murphy who’s wearing a sparkly red loofah on her shoulder and sporting some seriously frosted hair. Wow. Holy Cow! Megan Mullally is the guest judge. Luv huh. I want to be Karen when I grow up. Her dress is gorg, btw. She used to be a ballerina and has done several Broadway musicals, so she is actually legit. We do NOT have an Ellen DeGeneres situation on our hands. Also not on our hands: Skeletor and the Dark Lord who are both taking the evening off to search for human sacrifices and feed Nagini, respectively.
Oh. We may have noticed (I did not notice) that Mitchell (who?) was not up there dancing with the rest. He hurt his elbow and is required to rest it so he’s automatically in danger of elimination and is also crying. Bleep bloop.
Each dancer gets 8 seconds to tell you what they’re all about tonight before we get the video package of their partnering and then ultimately their performance. I will not be telling you about their 8 seconds of self-exploration, or explanation rather, mostly because I don’t care.
Jordan (jazz) aaaaaaand, nevermind. I have to talk about the 8 second stuff. Right off the bat I’m breaking my own rule to tell you that today is her 19th birthday and she “wants to be a Pussycat Doll really really bad.” Well, she’s now on my list. You know the one. The list of no return.
Anhoodle, Jordan (jazz) will be paired with Tadd (B-boy) (whose last name is Gadduang and interviews that he thought he was Caucasian as a child…he’s witty. I like. I dub him Taddpole.) and they will be performing an African Jazz routine choreographed by Sean Cheesman. So Jordan has the upper hand here. Or not, since she just interviewed that she thought African jazz meant “people wearing afros doing jazz exercises…but it’s not!” Jordan shall henceforth be known as “Joracist.” The dance is inspired by a volcano. Obligatory discussion of how difficult the dance is and how much they hope they can pull it off. Bleep bloop.
It’s ok. They’re basically naked and covered in “tribal art” so there’s that bit of discomfort as a viewer. Tosh.O, is it racist? Y’know? It’s an interesting routine and Tadd actually does really well but Joracist seems to be unaware of her movements sometimes. Like she’s not good spatially, if that makes sense?
Cat Deeley is 100 feet tall and Nigel keeps talking about sub-primal rhythms and how much he loves the stuff that exploded all over the stage and I dissolve into giggles because that’s an unintentional sex joke, there, is what it is. Mary Murphy shrieks and slaps the table and works up the crowd to all its idiotic climax. Megan loves it as well. She says real dance-terms instead of animal noises, so she gets the least time, obviously.
Vote for them. I wont even get started on how much I hate it when the dancers silently pantomime the number to dial. One! We’re number one! Vote for us! We’re wacky/desperate/fun/sexy/ interesting/relevant as we hold up our little digits and ask you to vote. We are, I swear we are, they say.
Commercial break. Back from commercial break. Top 20. Vote later!
Sasha (contemporary) will be dancing with Alexander (contemporary) and they will be dancing a contemporary routine (shenanigans) choreographed b y Travis Wall, who I love unconditionally. The routine is about Alexander’s conscience? Which is being beaten up by his ex-girlfriend Sasha? Who is getting her revenge? We’ll see. In the rehearsal footage, Alexander is actually getting his ass kicked because Sasha is a little too into the character. Ha. You know what her name has to be now, right? Sasha Fierce (It’s out of love, Beyonce.)
They are dancing to a version of “Stupid” by Sarah McClachlan, which is pretty in that creepy, halting kind of way and their costumes are all ripped up kinda zombie movie-like, actually. I love it. All of it. Sasha Fierce is a little scary and Alexander partners her really well. Travis, bien sur, matches the music beautifully to the movements and it’s just kind of a perfect routine for me.
Mary makes a lame hostile work environment joke and it falls as flat as you think it does. She loves Travis. She loves Sasha’s strength and stage presence. She loves Alexander’s strength. Says she missed the “connection” between them. She wanted more feelings. I don’t like feelings of any sort, so I’m cool with that. Megan agrees with Mary about Alexander lacking emotion. Nigel calls Sasha Fierce an Amazonian princess. Alexander needs to do more, he says. Redundant. Bleep bloop.
After the break: Clarice (who?, so from now on “Clarice?”) will be partnering with someone for a routine choreographed by...hellfire. You know who.
Clarice (jazz) will be dancing with Jess (brodway) for a Broadway routine choreographed by Tyce Marvolo Diorio. Inspiration: Clarice? is sexy and Jess wants her. Unique. Way to dig deep. Jess pretends he is straight and Cat sort of winkingly calls him on it before introducing their number.
Liza Minnelli’s version of “Me and My Baby” will set the stage which is idiotic on its face because that song is about a fake pregnancy, not a relationship I am having a visceral reaction against this. In all seriousness, the problem with Tyce’s choreography to me is that it never looks cohesive or planned. Even this routine, which is only for two people, just has too many individual, incongruous moments. It feels outdated and random, and this is coming from someone who loves broadway. .The best parts are the ones where they are in-sync and those are just too few and far between. Fail.
Lord Diorio is, of course, making it all about himself by jumping around and throwing his hands into the air like a lunatic. Judges were all on a bathroom break, so they fake it till they make it and talk about how great it was. I actually agree that the dancers are good, but I do not agree with the choreography praise. Mary tells Clarice? that she doesn’t think she will be in trouble any time soon. I think she is wrongo.
Ryan (contemporary) will be dancing with Ricky (contemporary) and they will be dancing lyrical hip hop (?) choreographed by Chris Scott. Storyline: They are in love, but Ryan is gone and he is remembering their love.
“Ain’t No Sunshine,” of course. Makes total sense. I don’t think it’s her fault that she’s been pimped so hard this season as THE GIRL TO BEAT but it still makes me feel like she is a smug lady, you know? It’s too smiley and peaceful for a number like this, I think. Ricky, on the other hand, I am loving, especially for someone I couldn’t even remember. Overall I suppose the routine is nice, but it’s pretty boring and flat except for Ricky’s solos. Wa-wa.
Nigel loves Chris Scott, of course. Nigel says that it was like a “telly play” sometimes? I don’t know what that is, but Nigel calls Ryan out on the smiles. Ha. Then says in a sea of girls who are good, she is outstanding. This should be a drinking game. Anytime someone acts like Ryan is the second coming of Jesus, take a shot. You’ll be dead before the second commercial break. Bleep bloop through the rest of the judge commentary.
Someone re-tussled Cat’s hair during the break. Or she had sex with someone.
Caitlynn (contemporary) (also still in high school so: Jail Baitlynn) will be dancing with Mitchell (contemporary) and they will be dancing a jazz routine choreographed by Sonya Tayeh, who is a big honking weirdo choreographer who is sometimes brilliant but mostly just kind of weird for weirdness sake. Let’s see which side of the coin we’ll land on tonight. Rehearsal: Mitchell toys with the idea of liking Jail Baitlynn in that special way that girls and boys like each other, but then sweat literally pours out of his body to repel the icky girl cooties. Then he hurts his elbow so as to avoid being near her lady parts.
Mitchell is hurt so Jail Baitlynn is dancing with Robert from season 7, whom I love. They are dancing to “In for the Kill” by La Roux because yes. That is why. Because La Roux and Sonya are essentially made of the same pieces of the cosmos. The routine is ok. Not super-weird, interesting to watch. Jail Baitlynn is being out-danced, though. She is unsteady on her landings, and she seems to get off-rhythm in certain places. She’s got tricks though. Lots of splits and fancy jumps and extensions. She’s a great dancer, but she’s definitely not the best dancer here. Entertaining routine though. Mitch is openly weeping in the audience. Sack up, Ho.
Mary says that Jail Baitlynn was in for the kill. Get it? Because that was the name of the song? Haha…*Gunshot* Mary loves Sonya. Strong powerful…I…I’m lost. It’s all the same. Every single thing they’ve said is about strength and power. God in heaven they cannot be a record that is this broken so early in the season. Megan literally says that she shows a lot of power and strength right after Mary said it. Bleep fucking bloop.
Miranda (contemporary) will be dancing with Robert (hip hop) for a jive routine choreographed by Jason Gilkison. Scenario: Miranda is out of Robert’s league but he thinks he has a chance, then there is an Urkel impression. Robert, in the practice package, continues to annoy the deepest parts of my brain with his incessant “Woo”-ing and camera-mugging.
Dancing to Bruno Mars “Runaway Baby” which actually goes with the dance. Robert’s mugging actually works with this dance since he’s playing that type of desperate character. I’m liking the whole thing way more than I expected, just because it’s entertaining. Technically, I don’t know how good it is, but it’ll do.
Megan “woo”s also; it’s a disease. She calls it “sheer delight.” Basically, it’s fun. Confusion over a pony. Nigel says Robert has the biggest personality, which could go for him (I guess) or it could lose people (indeed) because it’s annoying. I’m with Nigel until he says “It’s So You Think You Can Dance” not “So You’ve Got A Great Personality.” Actually, it IS. It’s about voting which means favorites. It’s why Benji won instead of Travis in season 2. Mary loved everything and wants a “woo.” Stop encouraging it.
Only four more couples. Thank GOD. This thing is getting out of control.
Missy (jazz) and Wadi (hip hop) will be dancing a jazz routine choreographed with Sean Cheesman again. Premise: Pandora’s box has been opened and sexy-demon versions of themselves have been released. Wadi grabbed her boob at one point. S’ok though. Missy’s cool with it.
Remix of “Judas” by Lady Gaga which seems pretty perfect for the concept. Love the dance! They’re not perfect in it, but it’s so energetic, dark, a little creepy, high-energy…extremely fun and enjoyable. Also, Wadi is essentially a prop for Missy through a lot of it, but at the end he is able to showcase a lot of his more athletic style of dancing, which is absolutely jaw-dropping. This one’s worth watching for sure.
Do I really need to recap the useless critique? They loved all of it. Everything. Good dancers lead to better choreography, according to Nigel. Captain Obvious. Let’s move on.
Melanie (contemporary) will be dancing with Marko (jazz) and they will be doing a Travis Wall contemporary routine (again. Two repeat choreographers)! Concept: Two statues come to life at night to try to be together. They are great from the beginning. Perfect chemistry, trust. Blah blah.
The song is “Turn to Stone” by Ingrid Michaelson because she is a rule on this show. Ingrid and Feist. Their quotas must be met. They are dressed and painted as statues which is corny at first but then becomes that thing you want it to become which is emotional but not manipulative. It’s just beautiful to watch, and I think when you see really talented people doing amazing things, that can be moving. This is. Not my favorite of the night, but close.
Mary is crying. Megan is crying. Nigel is crustily trying to squeeze out a tear. The audience is. Losing. Their. Collective. Minds. Break-down of social systems and order. Weeping and speaking in tongues. Mentions of Emmy nominations. Commercial break.
Ashley (contemporary/ballet) will be dancing with Chris (hip hop) and will be attempting a hip hop routine choreographed by Chris Scott again (3 person to do 2 routines this week). Summary: Ashley and Chris are in a relationship but are both cheating and this is the moment they find out. Hardest thing: keeping story in tact AND doing steps at the same time. Ok…GO!
Aaaaannnnndddd…Here it is. The moment. You knew at some point “Forget You” by Cee-lo was gonna be here, and here it is. It’s undeniable. At least it’s over with now. It’s cute, but Ashley is smiling through the ENTIRE performance. If this is about finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you, I want some Angela Basset lighting some shit on fire kind of stuff. Stop grinning like you don’t know what’s happening. Entertaining but I don’t care about it in the slightest. So far Chris Scott is not my favorite in terms of choreography.
Judges also think it was fun and sweet. Ok. Moving swiftly on then…
Last couple which means this will be Iveta (ballroom) with Nick (tap.) Their style will be….Quickstep. Yikes. That’s seriously tough. Jason Gilkson is back. Another repeat, but I love him, so it’s all gravy. Lots of cute footage about Iveta putting Nick through ballroom boot camp since she has been training in the Quickstep since she was 6. Hmm, this could be terrible.
Oh no. They’re dancing to “Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet. I guess the song is to make the dance seem more high energy? Fred Astaire is spinning over and over and over again in his grave right now. They’re actually really good though. I mean, I would expect it from her since she’s a ballroom WORLD champion, but he’s holding his own. Might be an early favorite.
Everyone is giving a standing ovation, judges included. Nick is grinning like an absolute fool. Megan is amazed that a tap dancer can do what he just did. She, of course, thinks Iveta was amazing as well, but Nick was the surprise. Nigel tips his hat to her world championship then pats himself on the back for creating a show like this. Yes, yes. You’re very special Nigel. Mary, the ballroom expert, thinks everything was great, but she speaks it in howler-monkey, so I had trouble translating it exactly.
It’s time for this to be over. Cat’s JBF hair now looks like “just woke up in a stranger’s bed and am desperately searching the bottom of my purse for cab fare” hair.
Clips of all the dances. You remember them right? I don’t need to run it down? No. I do not.
Thanks to our judges. Thanks to our studio audience. Thanks to the viewers at home. Tune in tomorrow for eliminations. Good night!
Good night, my angels.
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