Ice Loves Coco

Alyssa:  I'm so excited
  Bookmarm:  Me too.  I am trying to find the goddamn E! channel on this hotel system!
 Alyssa:  oh no!  I hope they have it
 Bookmarm:  Finally found it.  The goddamn concierge didn't know they had it.  How can they not realize the awesomeness they have on these teevees?
 Alyssa:  b/c he's not gay
he probably watches espn and spice
 Bookmarm:  You are correct.  There are no gay people in KY.
Ironic.  Because KY is integral to a lot of gayness.
 Alyssa:  Ha, I love a pun
 Bookmarm:  Right?
Coco wants to fuck her shoes.  Promising.

 Alyssa:  I love that Coco, in the promo, talks about wanting to fuck her shoes
Great minds...
 Bookmarm:  Yes!
 Alyssa:  Love that they classify it is a "Penthouse"
 Bookmarm:  Yes, important.  Give him a rub is a nice thing
 Alyssa:  I'm sure Thong Thursday has something to do with her multiple twitter followers
 Bookmarm:  Ice-T and Coco share a phone.
 Alyssa:  We share a phone?  the fuck?
 Bookmarm:  OMG we are on the same page fur realz
 Alyssa:  I love that the narrative structure of this show allows them to spend 4 minutes on Ice's sandwich drama
 Bookmarm:  I know IceT is a real pimp but he is kind of a little old man.
He is all about the grease spot on his shirt.
 Alyssa:  That dog's balls are...
intrusive?
Bookmarm:  Yes!  That lady wants to have sex with that dog I think.
Not that there's anything wrong with that....
 Alyssa:  To each his/her own
 Bookmarm:  Exactly.  Sheep, dogs, whatevs
 Alyssa:  I want her shoes
 Bookmarm:  I want her ass.
 Alyssa:  Next time someone says something that makes me uncomfortable, I'm going to answer with "I have this thing with birds"
Wait, so his name isn't Sparkle?
 Bookmarm:  It's...
Soulja?
I missed it.
I heard it but I am really drunk.
 Alyssa:  Ha, awesome
 Bookmarm:  They got married in Vegas!  I want to do that.
 Alyssa:  Me too.  I just need to find my future second husband first
 Bookmarm:  Right?
My daughter freaks when I talk about going to LV....she must know.
 Alyssa:  I love that she's in the classy salon with this conservative, Chanel-wearing lady
 Bookmarm:  You have to watch out for people with Chanel....They are the secret freaks.
RHoNJ are all about Chanel.
 Alyssa:  Why are they trying to cover her up?
 Bookmarm:  Right?  She needs a bridal thong.
 Alyssa:  Yes!
that says "Mrs." on the crack
 Bookmarm:  Yes!  Have you seen her naked pics?  Her actual body looks like a thong....it's really difficult to describe.
Commercial....I need another drink.
Alyssa:  These commercials for the zoo movie make me feel even more embarrassed for Kevin James than I usually do
Same. Time for a refill
 Bookmarm:  Oh Kevin James....bless his heart.  I think he is just a sad clown
BTW, what are you drinking?  I am drinking Tanqueray on the rocks with a splash of soda
 Alyssa:  I am drinking Oregon Pinot Gris
 Bookmarm:  That sounds far classier.
 Alyssa:  Nope.  Screw-cap wine
 Bookmarm:  Have you found any Ramona Pinot Grigio?
 Alyssa:  No!  Must do so.
 Bookmarm:  Right?
 Alyssa:  I like that she said "Conservative" and he equated that with "Stuffy" and she agreed
 Bookmarm:  Right?  They are so cute (but also ridic)
 Alyssa:  Whoa.
 Bookmarm:  Cashmere for the dog
 Alyssa:  Who is this kid working at the store?
 Bookmarm:  A dirty hippy.
 Alyssa:  That is some unfortunate hair.
 Bookmarm:  I love that dog wearing a jacket just like Ice
 Alyssa:  Oh!  Ice is excited now.
 Bookmarm:  Yes.
 Alyssa:  Hahaha, love it.
 Bookmarm:  I need a style guru.
 Alyssa:  He just threw out so many street slang terms to describe his dog.  Precious, really.
I volunteer.
Haha
 Bookmarm:  Yes.  Please?
 Alyssa:  Tyra explained this whole concept in ANTM.  Chest out for men's mags, chest down for women's
 Bookmarm:  Coco is straight up writhing.
Alyssa:  They both match the room.
 Bookmarm:  I have no idea how to spell that.
 Alyssa:  I think writhing is right
Looks right
 Bookmarm:  Awesome.
Sounds right.
She is skyping with her fatass preggo sis
 Alyssa:  Homegirl needs a dye job
 Bookmarm:  OMG I was just thinking the exact same thing.
I love you!1!!!!
 Alyssa:  Does IceT actually have machine guns on his shirt?
I love you too!
 Bookmarm:  Clearly.
XOXO
Joe McHale!  Love him too.
 Alyssa:  Oh! I might adopt Paris Hilton's show for a few episodes
see how it goes
 Bookmarm:  Damn, I said Joe instead of Joel.
 Alyssa:  I knew what you meant
 Bookmarm:  Yes.  Paris.  Be careful.  Don't get crabs!
 Alyssa:  I know you know Joel.
Hahaha
 Bookmarm:  Careful.  Mr. Bookmarm is reading this.  Hate for him to know how much I love Mr. McHale.
 Alyssa:  Is he lurking? Hi Mr. Bookmarm!
 Bookmarm:  He's somewhere in the vicinity.
Super bored without me at home.
Doubtless.
Alyssa:  I am sure that's true.
You bring all the excitement
 Bookmarm:  Yes, all the drunking, down the stair falling excitement.
Drunking?
Drunken
 Alyssa:  Cat Long needs a stylist
 Bookmarm:  Yes!
 Alyssa:  Drunking should be a word
 Bookmarm:  Right?  Verb.  Useful.
 Alyssa:  SPART
SPART
SPART
SPART
That didn't work?  Shocking
 Bookmarm:  Spart!
 Alyssa:  I love that they live in NJ
 Bookmarm:  That is what Mr. Bookmarm does when he wants me to get it together.
Really?
WTF.
 Alyssa:  Do they have a tanning bed at the top of the stairs?
 Bookmarm:  OMG that dog's balls are insanity.
 Alyssa:  Like where the linen closet is supposed to be
 Bookmarm:  Yes, right?
Linen closet
That is my favorite juxtaposition ever.
Okay, my dress had not one bead nor one seed pearl.
 Alyssa:  Hahaha
Nor did mine.
Bookmarm:  I am a straightup minimalist.
 Alyssa:  Mine did have lace
 Bookmarm:  Coco and I are polar opposites.
 Alyssa:  Thank God
 Bookmarm:  Mine was a copy of Bette Davis's dress from All About Eve, except mine was white Dupione silk instead of black.
 Alyssa:  Oh, so beautiful!  I love that dress
Question: Why would you book Coco as a model then ask her to be demure?
 Bookmarm:  Are you seeing a commercial for a movie with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts?
 Alyssa:  Yes.
 Bookmarm:  Poor Coco.
 Alyssa:  I saw a full preview for that two weeks ago at the movies
 Bookmarm:  Okay, I am not charmed by Julia Roberts.
 Alyssa:  Nope.
 Bookmarm:  Did the full preview look good?
 Alyssa:  Nope.
 Bookmarm:  Damn.
 Alyssa:  Uncomfortable? Yes
Desperate? Yes
 Bookmarm:  He is looking elderly.
 Alyssa:  Smug? Absolutely
 Bookmarm:  Yes!
 Alyssa:  Good? Not at all.
 Bookmarm:  You know I do not enjoy oldsters.
 Alyssa:  Except one Alan Rickman
 Bookmarm:  OMG, I would....Hi, Mr. Bookmarm.
 Alyssa:  ...Enjoy a conversation with him
that's what
Bookmarm:  (Yes, he is the only elderly gentleman I would do terrible and shocking things to.)
I would have tea with him.
 Alyssa:  I like how angry IceT is getting with the photographer and how sweet he is with her
 Bookmarm:  Do you have feelings about Ice T
and his history as a pimp.
 Alyssa:  Pimp. Mardi Gras. Fly. Church hat.
 Bookmarm:  Like actually?
 Alyssa:  I actually have feelings about him as someone on Law and Order SVU, which I was a tiny bit obsessed with
But as a pimp? No.  That's wrong, isn't it?
 Bookmarm:  Mr. Bookmarm is entirely obsessed with it [L&O SVU] and it is the only reason he is lurking.
Yes, it is wrong.  But I am from East Point, GA.  Pimps are just part of the landscape.
Coco would never be a Bridezilla
 Alyssa:  I love that IceT just admitted he has watched a lot of Bridezilla and still is pimp
 Bookmarm:  Right?
he is all man.
 Alyssa:  I need to watch this show forever
 Bookmarm:  I can't wait to watch Coco watch the Miracle of Birth.
 Alyssa:  I love it.
 Bookmarm:  This is my new fave.
 Alyssa:  Ew. Then a Kardashian happened
 Bookmarm:  They [Ice & Coco] are the chillest.
Right?
Right?
I love me a Kardashian.
They are nice girls.
Sorry.
 Alyssa:  It's ok.  I'm glad one of us does.  I don't have the strength
So, next week...same time?
Bookmarm:  Yay!
 Alyssa:  Yay, indeed!